Arts and Culture

Thanksgiving Astrology

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By Katherine Walz and  Selena Shifflett

The Signs as Relatives at Thanksgiving Dinner

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) – The one who tries to make Thanksgiving all about them because it’s also their birthday

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) – The one who talks with their mouth full and spews food all over everyone

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) – The quiet one everyone forgets is there

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18th) – The one from New York that doesn’t know what biscuits are

Pisces (February 22 – March 20) – The vegan that can’t eat anything but brings quinoa to dinner

Aries (March 21 – April 19) – The one who makes everyone go around saying something they are thankful for

Taurus (April 20 – May 20) – The one that’s too stubborn to eat the green beans Cancer made

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) – The one who can’t find Virgo’s dessert and mistakenly eats dog biscuits instead

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) – The one who cooked this entire meal, thank you, so you better eat it (don’t listen to them, they only made the green beans)

Leo (July 23 – August 22) – The relative that gives Scorpio money because it’s their birthday

Virgo (August 23 – September 22) – The one that actually forgot they were supposed to bring dessert and picked up a frozen pumpkin pie on the way

Libra (September 23 – October 22) – The host that puts their holiday decorations up right after everyone’s done eating

The Signs as the Thanksgiving dinner you don’t want to have

Scorpio (November 2 – December 21) – The burnt turkey or tofu depending on your dietary needs

Sagittarius (December 22 – January 21) – Kale. All kale. Nothing but kale. Every day.

Capricorn (January 22 – February 23) – Food that’s gone through the garbage disposal

Aquarius (January 20 – February 21) – Last month’s Halloween candy

Pisces (February 22 – March 20) – Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Food

Aries (March 21 – April 19) – Uncooked Ramen noodles, without the flavor packet

Taurus (April 20 – May 20) – Stale moldy bread

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) – a bowl of straight up ketchup

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) – Corn off the cob

Leo (July 23 – August 22) – Carrot cake with an actual rabbit in it, hogging it

Virgo (August 23 – September 22) – Grey pudding that’s actually cat litter

Libra  (September 23 – October 22) – The fruitcake someone brought last year and no one has touched

 

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