by Kaleigh Steigman
President Obama stepped out of his American flag-adorned limo on Tuesday, April 19, ready to ruin not only the United States’, but the world’s view of him, due to his latest executive decision: the choice to wear black shoes and a tan belt.
The President has a relatively clean record when it comes to fashion; an overly bold tie in 2011, mismatched cuff-links in 2014- these are minor offences. For the first time this past week, he broke one of the Golden Rules of Fashion that men of the 21st century have followed since the creation of modern formal wear: wear a belt that matches your shoes.
“I’m truly appalled that this man leads our country,” said Sue Brown, a 37 year-old Texan, as she used her keys to scrape off the ‘Obama 2012’ bumper sticker that was attached to her car. “And this behavior was just at a local banquet! What is he going to wear when he attends the next state dinner? Cargo shorts and a man bun? I need to get one of those Nobama stickers.”
Although his accessory choice caused Americans across the country to simultaneously vomit, Obama let down the nation more than ever when he failed to remember the name of his clothing designer. “Uh, I don’t know… it’s a suit.” he said, responding to an inquisitive fashion journalist as he stepped out of his limo.
For the past twenty years, important male members of society, who only have the clothes on their backs to show for their life’s accomplishments, are questioned with the traditional ‘What are you wearing?’ as they enter formal events. The President of the United States is no exception. Even his wife, Michelle Obama, refused to acknowledge him for the rest of the night. Instead, she responded to countless questions from reporters who were much more interested in her ‘Let’s Move!’ program than her fashion choices, as all women are above the materialistic views of society.
“I have never felt so offended in my life,” said Ralph Bartweizer, the man who “slaved away for weeks” to create Obama’s suit. “This was my chance, and he ruined it!” Bartweizer said as he pulled a ‘Trump 2016’ hat onto his head and started to sob plaintively.
Not only did Obama decimate the career of an aspiring designer, he struck fear into the hearts of America’s youth.
Nancy Young, a future voter from North Dakota, said, “How are we supposed to trust a man with the fate of our nation when he can’t even remember the name of his clothing designer? This will definitely change the way I vote this November. Candidates, we need to trust your fashion abilities before we trust you with the economy!”